More on being competitive

Good advice from Roy and Christine...  as I was walking out to my car after work I thought...  right now, I may be racing through life - not cycling.  Finding the balance is a difficult endeavor.  I keep thinking - next week will be easier, slower.  We all know that next week never really gets here.  I'll work on it!

Getting back to my competitive streak:

Saying that my competitive urge was largely absent during the rest of my high school years and a few years beyond that is mostly true.  Yeah, there was the on-going competition of who could get the highest and drunkest - but, I never really took that too seriously.  There was the time that my best friend and I decided we'd have a competition of who could kiss the most boys in an evening - that only happened once (waking up the next morning with the knowledge that you stole first kisses - filled with meaning for those boys and as part of a game for yourself - was an awful feeling...  and, of course, having to deal with those boys on Monday morning at school was really awkward).

When I began undergrad I had the impression that I was the least intelligent person in any of my classes.  I would have to!  I didn't make it into university due to my grades - I made it in due to my age.  I was admitted only part-time - and, if I wanted to continue with my studies I'd have to maintain a certain average.  In order to 'get by' - I overcompensated.  I studied every spare moment I had.  I made great notes, read the textbooks and started studying the material right away instead of waiting for the tests to come.  Even when I got my grades back - they were good...  but, if I'm getting grades this good then everyone must be getting grades this good.  It wasn't until the following year through some casual conversation that I learned that I received the second highest mark in my class.  I learned this through a guy in my class - who tied with me for that mark...  his fiance got the highest mark in the class.  Well, this guy had a competitive streak and by me matching his mark in that class it meant that I was worthy of his friendship and was now the person to beat.  I only half-heartedly took up the challenge - I was more concerned with finding out how well I could do then really beating him in marks.  As university progressed I was taking off probation and I continued to get the highest marks in all my classes (unless that guy beat me).  I had a great time!  Lots of friends, lots of partying on week ends, and I loved learning.  I didn't succeed in all my classes though.  I tried taking 'genetics' and I was failing.  I didn't want to have that mark on my transcript so I consulted the proff.  He said "When I look at you Trudi, I see a girl that has never had to try to succeed.  Everything comes easily for you.  Here, you are challenged - you may actually have to work at something - and you want to just quit."  That kind of statement makes me hungry to meet the challenge...  but, I didn't want to pull down my average and I didn't need the course.  So, I quit.  That conversation stays with me.

I graduated with the president's gold medal.  I went to graduate school...  I think I made some poor decisions regarding where I did my graduate studies.  I could have gone anywhere I wanted to.  I chose Calgary - to work in a quite prominent lab.  When I interviewed, I was taken by the challenge my potential supervisor gave me - to set up a behavioural lab in a molecular based lab setting.  I did it, but after the first couple years - it all fell apart.  Not that I fell out of love with my project, but my supervisor decided that he was no longer interested in behaviour - or my project.  But, I was stuck with my project if I wanted to graduate in a decent amount of time.  School became a real chore - I began loathing the idea of spending all day in a windowless lab with rats.  Without any real support for my work (there were no 'psychology' labs around me - they were a few blocks away at the main university), no one to talk to about my  project, no one to take interest...  it just became a bad dream.  So, I defended as soon as I possibly could - and even that was a challenge (my supervisor could care less about my career and future - my thesis was not a priority).  Finally - that's behind me.  PhD in hand - I'm ready to move on in life...

And that means racing!  Training is going ok.  I'm not sure I'm doing this properly...  I biked (on the trainer - because in Calgary we have winter!) for 1:45 on Sunday, Monday was an hour, Tuesday I had no time for anything! and yesterday was an hour.  Generally speaking they have been moderate intensity work outs - trying to spend the majority of my time in zone 3.  Tonight I'm planning on doing about an hour or a little bit more vigorous activity - moving into zone 4.  I think I have an odd heart rate though.  I know I'm ok for speed (ending the season consistently at 31km/hr), yet my heart rate tends to be low.  Am I not pushing myself hard enough?  I tend to be around 145-150 bpm when I'm doing what I consider a zone 3 work out.  May be I'm just not fit enough?